All of your methods here are a bit problematic. Here's an excerpt from my upcoming article Don't Poop There: A List of Reasons Why Eric Filipkowski is Doin' It Wrong. Watch for its publication in the next edition of the Australian Journal of Agricultural Research.
Uno: Keeping your pants on is no good, unless you like feeling like you're sitting in warm applesauce all day.
Zwei: You spelled "Lowe's" wrong. Amateur.
San: Those Lowe's toilets are just for display, not for actual use. There's no plumbing hooked to the bottom, so there's nowhere to flush away your "gift" once the deed is done. Although yours will be in your pants still, so no harm, no foul there. This was just more of a basic etiquette thing.
Quatre: You've got nothing to read with you. You need the funny papers, a good novel, or some short stories or something. Seriously, you should have brought along one of those Chicken Soup for the Monkey-Hearted Soul books that people only read on the toilet. Helps pass the time when you've gotta hunker down for a long one.
Cinque: Puffing your cheeks out like that indicates that your breathing is restricted and strained. If you push too hard and don't release your breath properly, you might burst an eardrum. Very dangerous. Remember to keep your airways clear, and breath in and out at a steady pace.
Roku: This comedic idea was already thoroughly (and masterfully) covered in Beavis and Butthead. Amateur.
2 comments:
All of your methods here are a bit problematic. Here's an excerpt from my upcoming article Don't Poop There: A List of Reasons Why Eric Filipkowski is Doin' It Wrong. Watch for its publication in the next edition of the Australian Journal of Agricultural Research.
Uno: Keeping your pants on is no good, unless you like feeling like you're sitting in warm applesauce all day.
Zwei: You spelled "Lowe's" wrong. Amateur.
San: Those Lowe's toilets are just for display, not for actual use. There's no plumbing hooked to the bottom, so there's nowhere to flush away your "gift" once the deed is done. Although yours will be in your pants still, so no harm, no foul there. This was just more of a basic etiquette thing.
Quatre: You've got nothing to read with you. You need the funny papers, a good novel, or some short stories or something. Seriously, you should have brought along one of those Chicken Soup for the Monkey-Hearted Soul books that people only read on the toilet. Helps pass the time when you've gotta hunker down for a long one.
Cinque: Puffing your cheeks out like that indicates that your breathing is restricted and strained. If you push too hard and don't release your breath properly, you might burst an eardrum. Very dangerous. Remember to keep your airways clear, and breath in and out at a steady pace.
Roku: This comedic idea was already thoroughly (and masterfully) covered in Beavis and Butthead. Amateur.
You are!
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